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19 junho 2005

Bifanas

A bifana figura, possivelmente, no top5 da fast-food do homem, junto com a orelheira, os torresmos, e outros alimentos dentro da mesma àrea vocabular.

"Bifana" vem do grego "Ενβιφαναρ" (embifanar), que significava uma espécie de tortura em óleo a ferver a que se submetiam os rabichos de então. Transparece lógica pois, para um veado actual, comer uma bifana equivaleria a uma tortura porque "ai tanto óleo". Para veado óleo só no cuzinho, damn straight homie.

As bifanas foram criadas na idade média numa colónia de mineiros em Strhchputlitzweinkustehen, na Áustria, que não tinham que fazer ao óleo com que lubrificavam os carris dos vagões de urânio. Foi então que a Fraulein Micaschwein/Tinaschwein/Mariaschwein (o nome não é certo) se lembrou de fritar uns bifes de porco no óleo dos carris que era deitado fora. Pôs um pão à volta e chamou-lhe bifana. Depois veio a CEE com as suas regras de saúde e higiene e passou-se a fritar a bifana em óleo de cozinha.

Hoje as bifanas podem ser feitas em casa ou então adquiridas em estabelecimentos apropriados, como por exemplo a rulóte (não dá pa escrever "roulotte" sem vaselina, cenas à jean-pierre, que nojo) Victor à beira da FEUP. Cada um dos métodos será descrito em seguida:

    [Em casa:]
    Segue-se a receita que a cara-metade do macho deve saber. Caso não saiba, o macho deve presenteá-la com umas boas cintadas como castigo antes de lha dar.

      Ingredientes:
      Bifes de porco ou vaca (menos macho)
      Pão (de preferência de ontem)
      Banha de porco
      Óleo de banha de porco (vegetal é gay)
      Sal

      Modo de preparação:
      Besuntar (palavra de homem) os bifes em banha e sal e deixar uma hora a arejar. Entretanto aquecer o óleo de banha de porco para depois mergulhar lá os bifes. Meter dentro de um pão previaente mergulhado no óleo.

    [No Victor:]
    Homem que é homem pede bifanas no Victor. De preferência a opção "bifana à lavrador" que só custa mais 50 cêntimos e tem quase o dobro do tamanho. Comer no Victor é de homem porque:
    • São duas mulheres que cozinham.
    • Fica na circunvalação, logo local passível de pararem camionistas que vão de tronco nu mandar vir a "fana" e pagar com uma nota de 5 euros besuntada de óleo e suor. Depois vão comê-la para o camião enquanto conduzem, decorando a barba e os pelos do peito com óleo, migalhas e pedaços de carne que a próxima menina a quer der boleia se encarregará de limpar com a língua.
    • Um gajo come com as pernas abertas e o tronco inclinado para a frente.
    • Homem que é homem manda vir um fino para acompanhar a bifana.
    • É d'Homem.

Aprendei, tangas de leopardo.

* Poste dedicado a Jaime Silva, André Lamelas e Maria Cachucha, todos machíssimos indivíduos com os quaisjá partilhei a rulóte. Dedicado como quem diz, afinal homem que é homem não dedica nada a ninguém.

Ressabianços: 155

Blogger Emanuel Vilela
(19 junho, 2005 21:26)

E para quando um post sobre xurros e farturas? é sobremesa de homem!

 
Blogger Pedro
(19 junho, 2005 23:51)

tu TENS fetishes com lenhadores com o cio...

não digas que não...

 
Blogger Rato-Assassino
(19 junho, 2005 23:54)

Gajo que gosta de farturinhas e churros para sobremesa de certeza que come salsicha como prato principal...

Essas descrições dos camionistas e as menções de lenhadores... Bem, digamos que... Pá... Tão muito ricas em promenores...

 
Blogger Maria Cachucha
(20 junho, 2005 16:33)

HOMEM que é HOMEM, não come sobremesas. Sobremesas é coisa de bicha que faz pudim flan para o namorado e depois faz analogias parvas com a consistência do parvalhão do pudim ai-homem-que-pudim-tão-belo-anda-cá-deixa-me-comê-lo e poesias rabilóides afins.

Churros e farturas são comida de macho, tudo bem, mas não é como sobremesa, é como ceia, porque homem que é homem, no fim da noite, antes de ir para a cama e foder a Maria que tinha adormecido logo depois da "Queridas Feras", tem de comer qualquer coisa cheia de óleo e de açucar, de preferência ressequida e já todas peganhenta. ASSIM, SIM, É DE HOMEM.

Foda-se.

 
Blogger Morgaine
(20 junho, 2005 19:17)

Faço minhas as palavras de cachucha

 
Blogger Morgaine
(20 junho, 2005 23:33)

é D'Homem dizer foda-se no blog alheio! LOL

 
Blogger José Nuno Ferreira
(20 junho, 2005 23:57)

http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=1520

isto tb é d homem?

 
Blogger SimNão
(21 junho, 2005 02:56)

Homem que é homem não come sobremesas, mas come-as sobre a mesa!!

simao

 
Blogger ritz
(28 julho, 2005 23:33)

disseste-a toda com a "fana". lanço-me aos vossos pés, senhor

 
Anonymous Ninfa
(09 agosto, 2005 23:34)

caro ginjas venho por este meio transmitir a minha clara desilusão pela falta da fala de um Homem quando pede uma (ou mais) bifana(s). Fala essa que ninguém a sabe fazer tao bem como tu,num sábado de manha (no Café a faltar ao Instituto ou no próprio Instituto..ai esses é q eram tempos!) portanto peço encarecidamente q deixes aqui essa mesma fala,quando o tempo te estiver disponível claro! adianto apenas um pouco dessas palavras da frase mais fantastica e verdadeira que ja ouvi..: 'eram duas de ..' (nao sei o resto!) com um beijinho muito grande,da tua ninfa (no hard feelings querida vanessa sou apenas amiga :) )

 
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