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19 junho 2005

Bifanas

A bifana figura, possivelmente, no top5 da fast-food do homem, junto com a orelheira, os torresmos, e outros alimentos dentro da mesma àrea vocabular.

"Bifana" vem do grego "Ενβιφαναρ" (embifanar), que significava uma espécie de tortura em óleo a ferver a que se submetiam os rabichos de então. Transparece lógica pois, para um veado actual, comer uma bifana equivaleria a uma tortura porque "ai tanto óleo". Para veado óleo só no cuzinho, damn straight homie.

As bifanas foram criadas na idade média numa colónia de mineiros em Strhchputlitzweinkustehen, na Áustria, que não tinham que fazer ao óleo com que lubrificavam os carris dos vagões de urânio. Foi então que a Fraulein Micaschwein/Tinaschwein/Mariaschwein (o nome não é certo) se lembrou de fritar uns bifes de porco no óleo dos carris que era deitado fora. Pôs um pão à volta e chamou-lhe bifana. Depois veio a CEE com as suas regras de saúde e higiene e passou-se a fritar a bifana em óleo de cozinha.

Hoje as bifanas podem ser feitas em casa ou então adquiridas em estabelecimentos apropriados, como por exemplo a rulóte (não dá pa escrever "roulotte" sem vaselina, cenas à jean-pierre, que nojo) Victor à beira da FEUP. Cada um dos métodos será descrito em seguida:

    [Em casa:]
    Segue-se a receita que a cara-metade do macho deve saber. Caso não saiba, o macho deve presenteá-la com umas boas cintadas como castigo antes de lha dar.

      Ingredientes:
      Bifes de porco ou vaca (menos macho)
      Pão (de preferência de ontem)
      Banha de porco
      Óleo de banha de porco (vegetal é gay)
      Sal

      Modo de preparação:
      Besuntar (palavra de homem) os bifes em banha e sal e deixar uma hora a arejar. Entretanto aquecer o óleo de banha de porco para depois mergulhar lá os bifes. Meter dentro de um pão previaente mergulhado no óleo.

    [No Victor:]
    Homem que é homem pede bifanas no Victor. De preferência a opção "bifana à lavrador" que só custa mais 50 cêntimos e tem quase o dobro do tamanho. Comer no Victor é de homem porque:
    • São duas mulheres que cozinham.
    • Fica na circunvalação, logo local passível de pararem camionistas que vão de tronco nu mandar vir a "fana" e pagar com uma nota de 5 euros besuntada de óleo e suor. Depois vão comê-la para o camião enquanto conduzem, decorando a barba e os pelos do peito com óleo, migalhas e pedaços de carne que a próxima menina a quer der boleia se encarregará de limpar com a língua.
    • Um gajo come com as pernas abertas e o tronco inclinado para a frente.
    • Homem que é homem manda vir um fino para acompanhar a bifana.
    • É d'Homem.

Aprendei, tangas de leopardo.

* Poste dedicado a Jaime Silva, André Lamelas e Maria Cachucha, todos machíssimos indivíduos com os quaisjá partilhei a rulóte. Dedicado como quem diz, afinal homem que é homem não dedica nada a ninguém.

Ressabianços: 102

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(19 junho, 2005 23:51)

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Blogger maria cachucha
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HOMEM que é HOMEM, não come sobremesas. Sobremesas é coisa de bicha que faz pudim flan para o namorado e depois faz analogias parvas com a consistência do parvalhão do pudim ai-homem-que-pudim-tão-belo-anda-cá-deixa-me-comê-lo e poesias rabilóides afins.

Churros e farturas são comida de macho, tudo bem, mas não é como sobremesa, é como ceia, porque homem que é homem, no fim da noite, antes de ir para a cama e foder a Maria que tinha adormecido logo depois da "Queridas Feras", tem de comer qualquer coisa cheia de óleo e de açucar, de preferência ressequida e já todas peganhenta. ASSIM, SIM, É DE HOMEM.

Foda-se.

 
Blogger José Nuno Ferreira
(20 junho, 2005 23:57)

http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=1520

isto tb é d homem?

 
Blogger Simão
(21 junho, 2005 02:56)

Homem que é homem não come sobremesas, mas come-as sobre a mesa!!

simao

 
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